Someone at office said that “its a curse to be a sensitive women”…No its not ,mostly womens tends to be more honest about expressing what they’re feeling… Keeping it all inside will cause a mental illness that end up with depression…just bring it out you know it’s takes courage to show emotions outside its doesn’t mean you’re a weak person you’ll come to how to control it wisely…and you don’t have to show it to the world either all that matters at the end is your mental health so you don’t have to lose it for any cost,never feel sorry about being real.
It’s been a year since I haven’t active in WordPress. Just experimenting all these days by giving some space to people who can get into my life which I don’t prefer hereafter😂. I thought I’m not so grateful for the people in my life who can make efforts to made my days happy cause I’m the person who’s very bad in expressing what I feel but then what its causes now is I started depending on them.I accept the more you love the more you hurt it might be in any relationship, I have been too kind to people and ended with the situation I could’ve avoided it before.I agree being kind is really takes a lot and lot of patience still some people don’t deserve that you can be asshole to the assholes,keep them aside. The more you invite people into you life’s the more you become dependent on them I never complain about tat, you need it someday but its causes a mental illness if any single changes from them might create a very big Storm in your head because you accept them to know your depth.Even though you know it it’ll hurt you someday but you started fall into that situation again its human nature for sake that your heart always goes behind what its longing for.
I have been through this for 3months it’s really hard to come out from that phase,i felt like i lost me i started re reading my old diaries to get back to my old self ,i try to write but i am not able to , I’m totally lost i couldn’t make that happen every single day i felt void ,I’m in different level of depression where I’ll laugh my heart out and a very next second i feel low ,i felt so annoying,irritated.
Now I’m trying to accept the reality that what you’ve experienced has show the right path for you always, even if its a worst phase anyway you’ve survived and you decided to break that chain which is holding you. I realize never let toxic people to put down and still be with you.
Aren’t you the person who’s literally obsessed with yourself like you want something supremely comes after you to convince yourself to even look at other stuffs for create a interest or attraction with someone more than self?
Aren’t you that one old cultured dude with new trend in your circle repeating the same poses in all the selfiees ,not spending a lot of money on shopping and cancelling the plans to stay at home, still spoiling yourself by watching all unrealistic romantic dramas and believing it could happen and sometimes feels like you’re getting old enough to listen the same repeated bullshit emotional dramas and fakeness that you were been through in your whole life maybe that’s why you didn’t give a fuck about anything anymore???…
We all are looking for that one special person,who you can believe they will change everything then you started giving values to the person that you never met in real but still that’s all you created hypotheticaly in your mind and you are searching the qualities in every single person you met then you start doing the compatibility between the fictional personality to the real personality , if anything doesn’t fit into your expectations then you lost interest before you develop feelings.Now why you’re not showing interest for the people to hangout,to talk,to share stuffs is because you become the person already who you looking for with all the qualities that you were searching , so it’s takes time you to realize it you are that person.
I have no idea why i post this😐,maybe i’m this person.
Sometimes it takes decades to find the meaning of everything that you done in your life.you never get a graduation if you don’t spend your time in highschools and universties , you never get a meaning of your love life if you stop loving and being there for each other forever,you never get a successful career if you don’t believe yourself when your boss treat you like a shit but still you work your ass off and you cannot achieve those decades and decades of time,efforts and energy of investment without rejection the alternatives.
We are define by what we choose to reject in particular phase,you can’t walk on a different path on a same time simultaneously ,you have to reject one even if it’s healthy decisions yet they require rejections in all the time,something in order to value something it’s often need both giving and receiving.so don’t look for a meaning of life before you start it.
Seek what you really capable of and think what you really deserve for it ,believe me the process is everything ,the success is just makes you to move forward but the process behind it is what makes you the person to do in real,start living it.
These 20’s is already messing me up in every possible way, practicing and understanding what’s happening inside my mind. Getting more motivation and inspire from TED talks nowadays a lot, cause lack of self motivation at my work place.Most of the time in office, less time with family and friends,maintaining my cool as well maybe this is how it’s actually works usually or maybe i’m not aware of it anyway because i’m new to this cooperate transformation to the next phase of life ,i heard it somewhere which moment you longing for so badly you want it to happen in your life??…you would think that will change everything,the moment you waited for,the moment you dreamed of ??…and then when it’s happen in real time you don’t feel the same excitement and curiousness or anything,you’ll just watch it happen and pass off to other stuff ,maybe that’s a growth,the pain is the process of everything and that’s i’m facing it right now .
Even if i managed to stand up,all this fucking social media motivational memes,quotes and sayings is fucking me again whenever i scroll a feeds everyday….seriously?? Sometimes I thought I might be a biggest hypocrite as far i know myself,i’ll tell people don’t lose hope,giving up is not gonna solve anything,be strong,let it be blah blah blah kind of pampering words you know, to make them feel better,but here i’m,barely holding on.
Figuring out what’s pissing me off is even a big deal for me right now!!..thinking about every sort of crap too early.At least i’m tryna hard to don’t take anything into my mind for now,just enjoying the process .Seeing everything fall at it place and also watching everything falls down on a other side but i love the way i’m becoming to, i’m setting a values and metrics to myself,maybe that’s why i feel so hard to take it ,maybe this process will need some balance to set it free.Self-remembrance??why is it so difficult!!..Read it somewhere
“giving up a values you’ve depended on for years is going to feel
disorienting,as if you don’t really know right from wrong anymore.
This is hard,but it’s normal”
Changing values,changing priorities(anyway it’ll change,it’s natural). I started doing things rather than thinking of it, we don’t always control what happens to us,but we do control how we interpret what happen to us,as well as how we respond.I already mentioned in my another post,we can able to create, edit and interpret our stories where ever we want to,how you want people to hear it and understand because it’s your fucking story.you can change all the negative into positive and the other way around.Growing up with a experiences,a usual, ordinary and routine stuff i rather like the way it is maintaining a healthy friendship,started meeting new people ,more talking and stalking,more laughing,reading good books,blog whenever i feel like,spending more time with myself rather than someone else,debating with hormones,discussing and trying to understand how my mind is working most of a time and filtering out what really matters.
this year will definitely going to be rocking one,RESOLUTION???…really??? i can’t even remember my last year resolution,you know a lot can happen within a year,fuck this “new year,new me” thing,of course i’m going to be different person next year,shit will happen,i’ll trust a process,cheers.
i’ll drop this note here though i’ll repost it next year.